Dear Vanilla Pop:
First off, I just want to say that I love your show. You guys are great.
I'm getting married next year and was wondering if you knew of some current, cool "must haves" for weddings? Since we are paying for the wedding ourselves, cost is definitely a concern. While we don't want to skimp, we'd like to save some money if we can.
I know you guys get hired for a lot of weddings, and I'd love to hear your thoughts as to what you think would make my wedding day truly unique and memorable. (Without being too expensive.)
Thanks so much! You guys rock!
-Want an original wedding
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| This would be different right? |
Dear WAOW
Thanks for your letter and your trust.
As professional musicians, we know that we have to be tuned into what's hot and what's not. And although Vanilla Pop is always the Triple Gainer with a Half-Pike Twist at any wedding, there are other chic "must haves" which are making an impressive splash as well.
Below is a list of our favorite up and coming wedding trends. While some are purely money saving alternatives, some are just so faaaaabulous, they should really be considered even though they might cost a bit extra. But hey...you only get married three or four times in your life so why settle?
Here we go...
The Ceremony
Out: Having your ceremony officiated by a Priest, Rabbi or Minister.
In: Having your ceremony officiated by your plumber.
Men of the cloth charge upwards of $500 per ceremony, while your plumber would gladly perform the service in exchange a couple of beers at the party. If you're concerned about him not being officially "ordained" by any recognized religious institution, for 25 bucks he can go online and get a Universal Life Church certificate. (If God didn't want ULC to be an accredited "Religion", he wouldn't have given them tax-exempt status right?) Look at it this way...it's just a different guy in a different outfit.
Priest, Rabbi or Minister: $500
Jerry: A few beers
Savings: $475 (ca-ching!)
In: Having your ceremony officiated by your plumber.
Men of the cloth charge upwards of $500 per ceremony, while your plumber would gladly perform the service in exchange a couple of beers at the party. If you're concerned about him not being officially "ordained" by any recognized religious institution, for 25 bucks he can go online and get a Universal Life Church certificate. (If God didn't want ULC to be an accredited "Religion", he wouldn't have given them tax-exempt status right?) Look at it this way...it's just a different guy in a different outfit.
Priest, Rabbi or Minister: $500
Jerry: A few beers
Savings: $475 (ca-ching!)
In: Flower Dwarf
Sure your niece or nephew would love to be called on to sprinkle flowers down the aisle, but by hiring a Flower Dwarf, you'd be giving an out of work actor some much needed employment AND you'd be trendy. Good deed of the day- done!
Flower Girl: Free
Flower Dwarf: $100
Extra Cost: $100
Out: Flower Dwarf scattering rose petals on the bridal path
In: Flower Dwarf scattering crickets on the bridal path.
Flower costs can easily get out of hand. Trade in those roses for some live crickets, and you're guests will be delighted as the sounds of summer fill the air. Plus everyone loves smooshing those little bastards, so it also becomes a fun activity in which everyone can participate. Just make sure there's a microphone at the podium, as all that crunching can get a bit loud at times.
Five Baskets of rose petals: $150.00
1000 Crickets @ $2.00 a pound- 10 bucks.
Savings: $140.00
Out: Chicken Satay Skewers
In: Wonton Wrapper Wrapped Wonton Wrappers
You're probably saying, "What are you saying?" I'm saying that filling a Wonton wrapper with another Wonton wrapper is a brilliant idea that I just thought of as I was sitting here writing this right now!
Everyone loves the delicious crunch of the Wonton right? I know I do. How about stuffing them with another Wonton wrapper? You'll save a bunch of money omitting that mystery filling, and you'll be getting double the crunch for half the price. Vegetarian? Yes. Thrifty? Definitely.
Out: Jazz Band
In: Kazoo Band
In addition to saving money, a kazoo band makes it easy for anyone to sit in if they want. I mean who can't play the kazoo right? Watch Uncle Joe as he rips a solo on "When The Saints Go Marching In." Blow Uncle Joe!
Hiring a 3 piece jazz band: $1800
Buying a dozen kazoos: $12
Savings: $1788
The Reception
Out: First Dance
In: The Hokey Pokey
Trust me. No one is going to have a good time watching you two gaze awkwardly into each others eyes while you teeter back and forth like a couple of newly-wed zombies on the dance floor for five minutes. Toss that uncomfortable first dance out the window and make it something that every generation can enjoy. Just make sure to keep an eye on Gramps when he puts his "left foot in". He's not as nimble as he once was and those hips are like porcelain.
That's what it's all about.
Out: Wedding Cake
In: Hashish Cupcakes
Dude, your guests won't be able to stop shoving these awesome, delectable treats down their face holes. You'll be the talk of the town if anyone can figure out how to get back home.
Average cost of a wedding cake for 150 people: $800
Average cost of hashish cupcakes for 150 people: $800
Savings: $0
Cost of watching your dad laugh at a napkin for half an hour: Priceless
Out: Standard Bouquet Toss
In: Poison Ivy Bouquet Toss
The sight of girls fighting has always turned my stomach. This is a sure fire way to ensure that none of your bridesmaids get into a tussle over that bouquet.
Out: Garter Toss
In: Piñatas that look like your in-laws.
The thrill of taking a big stick and whacking away at a Piñata version of your newly adopted mother or father-in-law is nothing short of exhilarating. Fill 'em with mini bottles of Lithium or Valium, and watch the fun ensue! When confronted about your apparent "family issues", just say, "I don't see the resemblance, maybe you should ease off those cupcakes."
And finally...
Out: Cappuccino Station
In: Poncho Lucky- The "Tequila Donkey"
Every summer here in Santa Fe, we chomp at the bit in anticipation of working with this infamous Equine celebrity. He is the resident "Tequila Donkey" at one of our favorite resorts, and he never fails to impress.
After our first set, Poncho Lucky makes his grand entrance to the deafening sounds of a Mariachi trio. On his back is a saddle retrofitted with two "Speed racks" containing a variety of top shelf tequilas, limes, salt and shot glasses. Belly on up to the beast as the bartender lines up the tequila shots right on his big, wide, hairy ass. But be careful. Although he's been given an ample dose of Donkey Downers, he can still buck so don't get behind him. Also make sure to stay to his left. He lost his right eye at the border and now it's just a big, old empty socket of hair. Contact us if you want more info.
So there you have it WAOW- our list of hot, new wedding trends for 2016.
Hope this info helped and good luck with your big day.
Mazel Tov!
Al & Les
Oops, almost forgot...
Out: Any band other than Vanilla Pop
In: Vanilla Pop
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