Q: Why don't Thai restaurants simplify the 1-5 heat scale?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great.
I've been wondering... why do Thai restaurants give you the option of 1-5 hot when you order a curry dish? Why don't they just offer "mild, medium or hot" like the green Chile you buy here in New Mexico, and make it a whole lot easier for us to order?

It's so confusing with so many choices.
Thanks in advance. 
Sincerely,

Keep It Simple Thai restaurants

Q: Should I be concerned about a restaurant messing with my food?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great.

Ever since a friend of mine who used to work in the restaurant industry told me that she and the staff would do gross things to people's food if the customer was rude or just high maintenance, I find it difficult to go out to eat.

I think I'm a pretty good customer when I dine out, but still, it makes me a bit nervous that I might be eating something which has been tampered with.

Should I be concerned?

Thanks guys!

Sincerely,
Nervous about going out to eat

Q: Can you please tell people to stop?

I really don't care if anyone knows where I live. What I can't stand is that idiotic song people sing when they ask each other if they know me. 

Any chance you guys could write a new one?

Thanks.

The Muffin Man
Drury Lane

Q: Why is Chinese mustard sold in such small jars?

Dear Al & Les-

First off I want to say how much I enjoy your show. You guys are great.

Here's my issue...
I'm a big fan of the mustard. Particularly the Chinese type. I put it on practically everything. But how come you can you only buy Chinese mustard in those little 3.5 oz. jars? Why don't they come in regular sized bottles? Or better yet, in big jugs like the yellow kind? That would be awesome. Seems like I'm always driving to the store to buy more. This is what I'm talking about...

Not fair

Ridiculous right?
Any info would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
-Slather Me In Mustard

PS - Also wondering why the yellow mustard squeeze bottle lets out a stream of mustard juice before any real mustard comes out. It's totally gross.

Thanks again!