Q: When the sun explodes, will we have a few minutes to get our affairs in order, or will we all just incinerate simultaneously without any warning?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off, I just want to say that I love your show. You guys rock.

While brushing my teeth the other morning, I looked out the window and wondered...when the sun finally explodes, will we see it happen and have the eight minutes it takes for light to reach the Earth to get our sh*t together, or will we not know about it until we are all running around on fire?

I understand that it would probably start to get hotter right away because of all the sun matter coming at us, but just how quickly will this happen and how hot will it get minute by minute? 

Sincerely,

-Scared about burning up without ample warning











Dear SABUWAW:

First off, the acronym for your signature sounds like a speech impediment, secondly that's a very clever question. 

After much thought, Vanilla Pop has concluded that if the sun were to suddenly explode, you would definitely have those eight minutes to get your affairs in order. But let's delve a little deeper into the subject shall we? Depending on the season...you might have closer to eight and a half minutes than eight.

Let me explain.

Science is real!

During winter months in the the northern hemisphere (where we live), the sun is actually closer to the sun than in the summer months. This makes no sense until I tell you that even though the Earth is closer to the sun during this time, our hemisphere is tilted away from it which is why it's cold and why we wear hats.

I know this to be true because back in 8th grade, my science teacher illustrated this phenomenon using a racquetball and a basketball which, he reminded us, was not to scale. He told us that in order to get an idea of the true proportions of the Earth to Sun size ratio, you'd actually need to use a raisin and a Pilates ball. This was weird because back in 1972, the Pilates ball wasn't even invented yet, and we were all wondering what the hell he was talking about.

If you look close enough, you can see the pilates ball 
in the lower right hand corner of this picture. (It's the blue thing)

So...during the winter months, the earth is around 91 million miles from the sun. On the other hand, in summer, the earth is actually further away from the sun, at a distance of around about 94.5 million miles, but tilted towards it like I told you before.

So here's what we know: given our closer proximity to the sun between January 21st and July 21st, if the sun were to explode during this time, we would have around eight minutes to gather our belongings and get our act together.

But...if the sun were to explode between July 21st and December 21st, we would have an additional 17-23 seconds of prep time because of the extra 3.5 million miles of distance between us and the sun.

I bet that fence is REALLY hot.

While this may seem like a dire situation, you need to stay positive during moments like these, and think of all the things you could do with this extra time.

You could do a few dishes, send a farewell text, say goodbye to the dog, or eat your final piece of cheesecake. (Like you need it.) One might decide to have a delicious glass of juice which might also cool you off a bit as well, or perhaps slather on some sunscreen before it all ended. 

Of course, these suggestions all depend on what you did for the first eight minutes. If you've already done these things, think of something else that may need your attention like finally making the bed or switching to a more sensible religion. Why go out sloppy or bound for hell right?

Most people agree that the sun exploding 
would have an uncanny resemblance to hell.
(This photo was taken mere seconds after the one above.)

In closing- be smart SABUWAW, and hope Armageddon comes in the summer, fall or early winter. Those extra 17 seconds could be the difference between death, and death with loose ends.

P.S. Please remember: knowing that the end is near may make it difficult to execute even the simplest of tasks since you will be in severe panic mode, and those eight and a half minutes will seem like mere seconds. On the other hand, if you are just sitting around waiting to incinerate, you will be less likely to panic, but it will feel like an eternity. It all depends on how you spend that time. Stay busy and the seconds will just fly by.

Have a good day.

-Al & Les
Vanilla Pop

vanillapop.com