Q: When the sun explodes, will we have a few minutes to get our affairs in order, or will we all just incinerate simultaneously without any warning?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off, I just want to say that I love your show. You guys rock.

While brushing my teeth the other morning, I looked out the window and wondered...when the sun finally explodes, will we see it happen and have the eight minutes it takes for light to reach the Earth to get our sh*t together, or will we not know about it until we are all running around on fire?

I understand that it would probably start to get hotter right away because of all the sun matter coming at us, but just how quickly will this happen and how hot will it get minute by minute? 

Sincerely,

-Scared about burning up without ample warning

Q: Why does Herpes have more Facebook likes than Vanilla Pop?

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great, but I've been wondering, how come Herpes has more Facebook likes than you guys?

I mean it's not like herpes is talented or looks good in sequins. As far as I know, it doesn't do anything other than ruin your life.

I really don't understand how the hell anyone could actually like herpes. How about liking the Mumps? I could totally get with that. I mean what's not to like? Just saying the word is fun. Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps Mumps. 

Why so mumpy?

Plus all you get from the Mumps is a little headache, slight fever and a swollen face that'll make you look like Ted Kennedy or that fat guy from Game Of Thrones for a couple of days, not a shiny, festering, juice filled lesion that decides to show up the day before your date with that chick you met at the laundromat.

Last time I checked, Mumps had about half the "likes" Vanilla Pop has, and herpes has more than four times the amount you do.

Hopefully you'll publish my letter and we can get people to stop "liking" Herpes on Facebook. There's just no way it should be more popular than you guys.

Thanks in advance.

-A guy whose lip looks like it was gnawed on by a raccoon

Herpes could never rock this.

Q: My girlfriend wants me to shave my nether region. What's up with that?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great.

Here's my issue. My girlfriend recently got her bikini line waxed, and afterwards, suggested that I do some trimming down there as well. When I asked why, she said she feels my under-carriage has gotten a bit out of control, and that a little spring cleaning might be a good thing. 

Now I'm all for making my girl happy, but honestly- I feel that it should be OK for a guy to be a bit hairy down there since we're men and all. I'm not into all that girly stuff and don't think it's fitting for a guy to do that to his nether regional area parts.

Can you back me up on this and explain to her that we're men, and that all that trimming and waxing stuff is not what we do? 

The thought of a pair of scissors anywhere near my willie gives me the willies.

Thanks in advance!

Sincerely,
I shouldn't have to trim anything right?

Q: Should I be concerned about a restaurant messing with my food?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great.

Ever since a friend of mine who used to work in the restaurant industry told me that she and the staff would do gross things to people's food if the customer was rude or just high maintenance, I find it difficult to go out to eat.

I think I'm a pretty good customer when I dine out, but still, it makes me a bit nervous that I might be eating something which has been tampered with.

Should I be concerned?

Thanks guys!

Sincerely,
Nervous about going out to eat

Q: It looks like Al is getting on in years. How does he keep up?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great.

I first caught your act at the old Martini Grille in Albuquerque around 15 years ago, and was immediately blown away. Your energy and dedication to the performance was inspiring to say the least. At that moment...I became a fan for life.

Unfortunately soon afterwards, I was forced to move back to NY to take care of my aging father. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than having to give your dad his daily sponge bath while trying to convince him that you are the NOT Maria Von Trapp from The Sound of Music.

Dad managed to hang on for quite a number of years (which I will never get back by the way), and all the while I found myself pining for the days of Vanilla Pop shows back home in NM.

Eventually he let go, and I was finally able to come back to NM last summer. To my surprise...you guys are still doing your show! I came out to see Vanilla Pop last month, and was still as entertained as I was the first time I saw you guys. Thank you.

I can't tell you how impressed I am that you guys have lasted this long, but my question is this:

How has Al managed to keep up with such a physically demanding career?

He is obviously at least 10 years older than you Lester, and his age definitely seems to be showing. All that lifting of equipment and late night partying must be tough on that guy at this stage in the game, and I'm wondering...how much longer can he hang in there?

Don't worry, I'll still come out to see Vanilla Pop as often as I can because you guys are still the best act in town, but I wouldn't be surprised if Al just keeled over one night mid- verse.

Thanks again!

Sincerely,
Wondering how old guys like you keep up.