Q: Can I sit in with the band?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just want to tell you how much I love your show. You guys are great.

Anyway, you guys are performing for my sister's wedding next September, and I was wondering... what are the chances of me sitting in with you guys for a couple of numbers? I'm an attorney by trade, but I've always loved music, I'm a decent guitar player, and I've been told I have a pretty good voice.

I've looked over your song list and there are at least 10 or so that I could do right off the bat. I think people would really enjoy seeing me play with you guys for a few songs. (Or even a whole set if that's cool.)

Thoughts?

Sincerely,
What are the odds of me sitting in with you guys?

Me jamming at home.

Q: How come you guys don't use a live drummer?

Dear Vanilla Pop:
First off, I just want to say that I love your show. You guys are great.

My friends and I have always been curious...how come you guys choose to use pre-recorded drum tracks during your shows as opposed to having a real drummer? You are both such talented musicians, I'd think that any drummer would chomp at the bit to play with you guys.

Not saying you guys NEED a drummer. Just curious as to why you don't HAVE a drummer.

Thanks!-Wondering why you guys don't have a drummer.
P.S. I'm a drummer

Me

Q: Which one of you is the top and which is the bottom?

Just wondering.

Thanks.

-Curious

Q: All my friends have gotten lucky at your shows. Why can't I score?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off, I just want to say that I love your show. You guys are great.

Here's my problem: for some reason I just can't seem to hook up at any of your gigs. It's unfathomable because there are just so many women at your shows. All of my friends have gotten lucky over the past few years, while I have gone home to the hand. I think that I'm attractive, a good conversationalist and would make a good catch. What am I doing wrong?

I hate to sound desperate but I'm desperate.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.
Awash In Self Love.

Pondering my loneliness

Q: Why Do Hotels Put So Many Pillows On The Beds?

 

Dear Al & Les-

First off I just want to say how much I enjoy your show. You guys are great and my friends and I just love you.

I thought you guys you could answer my question since you guys travel a lot as I do and you guys probably stay in hotels like me when you guys are on the road.

My question is: Why do they put so many pillows on the darned beds?!

First of all, there are three or four big square ones against the headboard, then there are another six regular pillows that they give you to sleep with. That's no less than nine or ten pillows. Who the heck needs nine or ten pillows?

I'm finding it very hard to sleep and have been waking up with a strained neck and severe back pain every time I'm on the road.
 

I know the cheaper hotels don't do this, but I don't like those places because they use cheap toilet paper and are just icky.

Please tell me if you know the reason for this ridiculous practice.
Thanks guys!

Sincerely,
A girl who needs a good night's sleep.

Ouch! 

Q: How can I sport threads like you guys without looking like a complete idiot?

Dear
Vanilla Pop:

First off, I just want to say that I love your show. You guys are great.

Here's the deal: I just got out of colege and landed my first full time job. I'm in sales so I don't have to worry about putting on a uniform like my freinds who work at Applebee's.(Suckers!) Everythings pretty cool, but I feel that my wardrobe lacks luster. I don't feel like I have any personel style and I just can't seem to dial in a look that I'm comfterble with.

I love the outfits you guys wear at your shows. My question is- How can I where the kind of clothes you guys wear without my freinds and co-workers giving me a hard time? I really like the feel of polyester against my skin (I go commando like you do Al), but my friennds all tell me that I'm way behind the times.

What are the times anyway? You guys look so good in your flashy threads, and I always see you guys talking to the chicks and getting free drinks.

They say that clothes make the man and I need to get made real bad.

Looking foreward to your fashion advice.

Sincerely,
So Tired Of My Outfits.

 

PS - I've included a photo of my latest outfit. Anxious to hear what you think.