Q: How can I score an Asian wife?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great.

A friend of mine told me that Al just got back from a month long trip to Vietnam. Is this true? If so all I can say is I am soooo jealous! I've always wanted to go to Asia but unfortunately, I've just never been able to afford it. (Vanilla Pop must be doing really well!)

My question (for Al) is this:

Are Vietnamese girls as pretty in real life as they are on the Internet? How difficult is it to meet one, and are they all wanting to marry American guys so they can move here to the states to see an elevator and have a hamburger whenever they want? 

I've always had a thing for Asian women, but since there aren't a lot of them here in Muncie, I'm seriously thinking about scraping the funds together to make a trip over there. I just need to know that I'm definitely coming back with some Hamachi.

For the record I'm currently married to a lovely woman, but she's just so not Asian.

If you give me the green light, I'd like to book my flight and get a head start on the divorce proceedings ASAP.

Please let me know your thoughts on this matter.

Thanks!

Sincerely,
Tired of my non-Asian wife.

This would make me happy.

Q: My girlfriend wants me to shave my nether region. What's up with that?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great.

Here's my issue. My girlfriend recently got her bikini line waxed, and afterwards, suggested that I do some trimming down there as well. When I asked why, she said she feels my under-carriage has gotten a bit out of control, and that a little spring cleaning might be a good thing. 

Now I'm all for making my girl happy, but honestly- I feel that it should be OK for a guy to be a bit hairy down there since we're men and all. I'm not into all that girly stuff and don't think it's fitting for a guy to do that to his nether regional area parts.

Can you back me up on this and explain to her that we're men, and that all that trimming and waxing stuff is not what we do? 

The thought of a pair of scissors anywhere near my willie gives me the willies.

Thanks in advance!

Sincerely,
I shouldn't have to trim anything right?

Q: Quarantined...Should We Get A Cat Or A Dog?

Dear Vanilla Pop:
 
First off I just wanna say that my wife and I both love your show. You guys are great.

Here’s my question:
When the whole self quarantining thing started a few weeks ago, my wife and I thought it would be nice to spend some quality “alone” time together- away from work and the commute, and without the hassle of entertaining our friends who always love popping in unexpectedly. The situation was fine for a few weeks, but now we are beginning to get on each other’s nerves. One evening my wife suggested that perhaps we should get a pet of some sort just to mix things up y’know?
The problem is...we can't decide whether to get a cat or a dog. What would be your preference?


Thanks!
Cat Or Dog

Decisions, decisions...

Q: All my friends have gotten lucky at your shows. Why can't I score?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off, I just want to say that I love your show. You guys are great.

Here's my problem: for some reason I just can't seem to hook up at any of your gigs. It's unfathomable because there are just so many women at your shows. All of my friends have gotten lucky over the past few years, while I have gone home to the hand. I think that I'm attractive, a good conversationalist and would make a good catch. What am I doing wrong?

I hate to sound desperate but I'm desperate.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.
Awash In Self Love.

Pondering my loneliness