Q: Why is Chinese mustard sold in such small jars?

Dear Al & Les-

First off I want to say how much I enjoy your show. You guys are great.

Here's my issue...
I'm a big fan of the mustard. Particularly the Chinese type. I put it on practically everything. But how come you can you only buy Chinese mustard in those little 3.5 oz. jars? Why don't they come in regular sized bottles? Or better yet, in big jugs like the yellow kind? That would be awesome. Seems like I'm always driving to the store to buy more. This is what I'm talking about...

Not fair

Ridiculous right?
Any info would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
-Slather Me In Mustard

PS - Also wondering why the yellow mustard squeeze bottle lets out a stream of mustard juice before any real mustard comes out. It's totally gross.

Thanks again!


DEAR SMIM... Have you been to China lately?

I don't know if you know this, but there are like 14 trillion people over there. How do you suppose the people in charge of mustard distribution could possibly get everybody their mustard allotment if they started doling it out in gallon jugs? It would be next to impossible. You'd have a major mustard shortage on your hands. Then you'd be asking me about how to stop the great mustard riots of 2015. 

Just be thankful that the fine folks over at the USDA inspect that stuff before it winds up on your grocery shelf. I once bit into a rickshaw that somehow got into my package of ramen noodles, and chipped a molar. The next day I found myself in the dentist's chair. Sometime around 2:30. Get it? Two-Thirty? Tooth-hurty? Hahahahahahahaha!!!! I've been waiting years to write that joke. Thanks for the set up.

Anyway, you have to understand that everything is smaller over there. Did you know that the Great Wall of China is only 7 inches high? Well it is. See for yourself... 

The Not So Great Wall

 

Seriously. Do you really think any country could actually build a wall that's 13,000 miles long and over 25 feet tall? Please. We can't even build a pipeline that doesn't leak every 6 feet and we're the greatest country on Earth! There's no way they could have pulled that off. Especially back then when there were only like 80 people on the planet.

 

As far as your concern about the juice coming out of the mustard squeeze bottle, it's called "pistard" and it's a key ingredient. But here's how to fix the separation problem...

Take the bottle and duct tape it to your stomach. Then go outside, stand on your head, then get back on your feet. Then stand on your head again, then get back on your feet again. Repeat the process about a dozen times. After that, you'll probably start vomiting and lose whatever appetite you had.

Hope this answer cut the mustard.

All the best...

Vanilla Pop