Q: Any tips on how to win the Powerball?

Dear Vanilla Pop: 

First off I just want to tell you how much I love your show. You guys are great.

So I remember you guys did that New Mexico Powerball commercial a few years ago (which was awesome BTW), and I'm wondering if the Powerball people possibly gave you any tips or pointers on how to win that thing.

I've been playing the Powerball for the past 4 or 5 years, and needless to say, I have yet to win any substantial amount of money, let alone the big jackpot. I'll get like 2 numbers in one game and 1 number in another if I'm lucky. Honestly...it's getting a little disheartening.

 

Aaarrrggghhhh!

Don't get me wrong- I enjoy the time spent fantasizing about what I'm going to do with all that money, like get that Bosley procedure and go to Disneyland. (Is it Disneyland or World that's in Florida?) The one in Florida is the one I'm talking about. I heard that the one in California is all rickety and vegetarian and stuff.

Anyway, every week when they draw the winning numbers, like clockwork I come up empty handed.

Here's my offer:

I will totally give you guys a million dollars from my winnings if you can help me out. I've already blown through my kids college fund and we're one meal away from eating Tuna Helper Helper. Any advice or inside information you could give me would be hugely appreciated.

P.S. I've watched your TV commercial about a hundred times to see if I could pick up any secret code or message you may have been sending out, but I haven't really seen or heard anything other than that great song.
Thanks so much!

Sincerely,
Tired of losing at Powerball

Q: My girlfriend wants me to shave my nether region. What's up with that?

Dear Vanilla Pop:

First off I just wanna say that I love your show. You guys are great.

Here's my issue. My girlfriend recently got her bikini line waxed, and afterwards, suggested that I do some trimming down there as well. When I asked why, she said she feels my under-carriage has gotten a bit out of control, and that a little spring cleaning might be a good thing. 

Now I'm all for making my girl happy, but honestly- I feel that it should be OK for a guy to be a bit hairy down there since we're men and all. I'm not into all that girly stuff and don't think it's fitting for a guy to do that to his nether regional area parts.

Can you back me up on this and explain to her that we're men, and that all that trimming and waxing stuff is not what we do? 

The thought of a pair of scissors anywhere near my willie gives me the willies.

Thanks in advance!

Sincerely,
I shouldn't have to trim anything right?