Q: Quarantined...Should We Get A Cat Or A Dog?

Dear Vanilla Pop:
 
First off I just wanna say that my wife and I both love your show. You guys are great.

Here’s my question:
When the whole self quarantining thing started a few weeks ago, my wife and I thought it would be nice to spend some quality “alone” time together- away from work and the commute, and without the hassle of entertaining our friends who always love popping in unexpectedly. The situation was fine for a few weeks, but now we are beginning to get on each other’s nerves. One evening my wife suggested that perhaps we should get a pet of some sort just to mix things up y’know?
The problem is...we can't decide whether to get a cat or a dog. What would be your preference?


Thanks!
Cat Or Dog

Decisions, decisions...

Dear COD:

Both Lester and I understand that these are trying times for all of us. Couples who once had their own individual lives outside the home are now unable to ask the question: “How was your day?”. Those of us who live alone, like yours truly, are getting sick of ourselves as well. Vanilla Pop believes that getting a pet is a great way to mix things up a bit. 
However...both Lester and I have different preferences when it comes to bringing the wildlife into our homes. Lester tends to go for various types of cactus, and I prefer fish due to the fact that you can easily change them out when you get tired of them.
(Flushing a cat or dog down the toilet takes a lot of persistence.)

Little Moby before I became disinterested

But since the scope of your pet preference is so myopic, we have devised a personalized questionnaire for you to take in order to help you make a decision. Please circle the most appropriate answer to the following questions, and please do your best to respond as honestly as possible.

The Official Vanilla Pop
Pet Questionnaire

1.To you, an ideal Sunday night consists of:

A. Curling up on the couch with a good book
B. Lying back on the couch and watching the game
C. Going behind the couch and coughing up dinner
D. Licking yourself

2. When entertaining, you prepare:

A. A nice sampling of petits fours
B. An assortment of international meats and cheeses
C. A regurgitated mouse
D. Poop

3. After dinner you prefer to:

A. Do the dishes
B. Make love
C. Cough up dinner
D. Lick yourself

4. Your perfect vacation would be:

A. Lying on the beach for a week in the tropics
B. Hiking the Appalachian trail
C. Being pampered at a five star resort
D. Going to the park and urinating on the closest child

5. When meeting someone for the first time you:

A. Look them in the eye and shake their hand firmly
B. Look the other way and give them the "dead fish" handshake
C. Turn your back and walk away
D. Circle around for a good hump

If you answered "C" to any of these questions, you should get a cat.

If you answered "D" to any of these questions, you should get a divorce.

Hope this helps!
Best....Vanilla Pop